REFLECTING ON 2021:

What Made Me Sad in 2021?

Mama Chichila’s death.

I still can’t get over it.

I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life.
I literally cried everyday until after the Memorial Service.
I remember falling to my knees after hearing the news, then having to hold back everything because my dad didn’t want my aunt to find out until he got home.

and then someone sent my aunt a text message telling her the news - I have no idea what was going on through that person’s mind, and how it made sense to tell someone that their mother died via text, but that happened and I had to be the one to spend the first hour with my aunt as she cried out. I had to hold back my own pain - unsuccessfully at some points, until my parents finally arrived.

Every day that followed was filled with tears. The hardest day was the Memorial Service and actually going to her grave.

the fact that I was able to mourn is a reflection of how much God has worked in me.

I remember hardly crying when my grandfather passed in 2011, and then crying for one day, maybe two when my uncle passed in 2017.
In those moments I was emotionless, unconnected. This time, I sat down and I allowed myself to cry, to mourn and that looked like 11 days of tears.